October 6. It’s, inshAllah, the morning of our flight: about 13 hours away at this point [ironically also the duration of the first leg of our flight], and I figured I would do one last pre-hajj post for my recollection later. I want to remember this feeling.
Apparently it’s going to be an emotional day.
People have been asking me for days what it feels like- and whether I am more excited, nervous, scared… or what. Each time, I didn’t have an answer for them because there truly is no way to describe it.
Overwhelmed, I feel, encompasses it most.
Then today happened. Day of our departure. And with less than three hours of sleep and a migraine, this morning apparently all the emotions are bursting out. Mostly in the form of tears.
It is finally becoming real. The unreal factor may or may not have something to do with the fact that I didn’t finish packing until about 2 AM last night. Which is so not me for anyone who knows me. I am a planner. Lists, schedules, predictability: I live off of them. But this trip of a lifetime, alhumdulillah, is like no other.
The unknown. Yeah, overwhelmed still seems to fit most to describe it.
We made niyat [intention] for this ten months ago. Which means we have been talking, planning, preparing for ten months for this. And, yet, at the same time it feels like it came in the blink of an eye.
Of all the absolutely amazing things I have heard and read in preparation for this over the last ten months [I did tell you I was a planner, didn’t I?], one thing has stuck most in my mind:
That no one can just walk into someone’s home uninvited. Or unwelcomed. That WE, alhumdulillah, were the chosen ones this year. That He, called for us. Invited us to His home.
It literally gave me the chills when I first heard those words.
Overwhelming? Yeah, I’d say it still fits best.